They're finished! I've got a head full of baby dreads!
I haven't always wanted dreads but now that I have them I'm surprised that I didn't get them long ago.

Last Wednesday Chuck and I were out having a coffee date. He asked me if when we got home he could run me a bath so I could continue to relax. He immediately remembered that I don't like baths and quickly added that he would be glad to start a shower for me instead. I paused and looked up as I mentally calculated whether or not I needed a shower. He laughed, "Do you really not like taking a shower either?" I explained that no, I didn't particularly care for taking showers with small people hanging off me, then having to dry, straighten and style my hair. We discussed that a bit and decided that it's mainly the drying and styling of my hair after a shower that I dislike not the resulting cleanliness.

"You should get dreadlocks. Then you'd never have to shower!" Chuck exclaimed. We both made grossed out faces and then thought, do you really not shower? Surely not. We Googled it.

After a bit of research we realized you can and should shower with dreadlocks. Then after looking through flickr albums of people with dreads and both of us liking what we saw we decided that I should in fact get dreads. It made so much sense. Not only would it free me from having to "do"' my hair each day but I felt that it would also free me from the fear that I still held onto of what others thought of me and how they perceived me based on how I looked.

I realized (or at least finally admitted) that while I was shedding my dependence on clothing to define me I was still struggling with my hair (and thus overall appearance). Since going through recovery and taking inventory of my faith and lack thereof I've been aware that I fear people and their opinions. Shedding a "socially acceptable" hair style doesn't cure that, if I'm not careful I could fall into the same trap with another set of people. I could move from seeking acceptance in the minivan and soccer mom set to the no deodorant and pachouli set. 

The only way to kill this fear of man in myself is to rely on God for my identity.
I want to enjoy Him and who he made me to be when I look in the mirror in the morning (or afternoon) instead of worry about the state of my hairstyle or the lack thereof. I'm sure that some days I'll wake up and love this freewheeling low maintenance do and other days I'll forget my reasons and not. Either way (feast or famine, laughter or tears) God is enough and I hope to grow into that reality as my dreads grow. As many people with dreads say, "it's a journey."